Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
