she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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