Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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