I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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