Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
