Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
