Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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