what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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