I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
