Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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