she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
