I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
