Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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