I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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