Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
