Tell her she can't have a vagina
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
