you would pick up someone in the library
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
