First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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