I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
