i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
