I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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