none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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