8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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