You're completely useless in the revolution.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
