I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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