So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
