I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
