Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
