STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
