Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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