mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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