It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
