this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
