I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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