I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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