Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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