Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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