Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
