My brain says no but my pants say off.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
