Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
