i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
