There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
