Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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