I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
