Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
A bitchslap is in order.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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