I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
