I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
