why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
