dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
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