Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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