That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
