I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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